Bias against “emotions”

Usually said to women, or if otherwise then noted as a criticism, there is something that the society holds against “emotions”. As if emotions are a flaw, a sign of weakness.

I’ve spoken to many women who have been labelled as “too emotional” in various settings—at work, at home, and in social circles. Each time they hear it, it chips away at their confidence, making them question their worth and capability. But I’ve also heard stories from incredibly successful women who have embraced their emotional nature and turned it into a powerful asset.

One friend, a high-powered executive at a tech company, shared how she was once told during a meeting that she was “too emotional” to lead a project because her voice had a high pitch and she was moving her hands too much. She was asked to express less.

In conversations with women from various walks of life, I’ve learned how the label of being “too emotional” has affected them deeply. A close friend, an accomplished attorney, once confided in me about a pivotal moment in her career. She had just won a challenging case and was expressing her relief and joy when a senior partner remarked that she should “keep her emotions in check.” This comment made her question whether her heartfelt responses were seen as a liability rather than a strength. She was asked to be composed.

Similarly, a well-known journalist shared with me the impact of being called “emotional” in a derogatory manner. Early in her career, she was reporting on a tragic event and couldn’t hold back tears. A male colleague scoffed and said she needed to toughen up if she wanted to make it in journalism. She was asked to be tough.

These anecdotes are more than just personal experiences; they reflect a broader societal trend. The research supports the notion that emotional intelligence is crucial for effective leadership and personal success. For instance, Daniel Goleman’s work on emotional intelligence highlights how self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills are all vital components of effective leadership. Women, often naturally attuned to these qualities, are uniquely positioned to excel in leadership roles.

The science of emotions and being emotional

These stories are also not anomalies. Studies have shown that emotions play a critical role in decision-making and leadership. In reality, the dichotomy between emotional and logical is a false one. Emotions are a crucial part of human cognition. They guide our decisions, shape our interactions, and drive our passions. Being emotional means being deeply connected to our values and others.

To understand why the separation of emotion and logic is a misconception, we can look at several studies and insights from behavioural scientists. Antonio Damasio, a renowned neuroscientist, conducted pioneering research in this area. In his book “Descartes’ Error,” Damasio discusses his work with patients who had damage to the part of the brain where emotions are generated.

These individuals could still reason and analyze logically, but they struggled to make decisions. This groundbreaking study demonstrated that emotions are not the antithesis of logic; rather, they are integral to our ability to make sound decisions. Without emotions, our decision-making processes are severely impaired.

Another significant study by Jennifer Lerner, a psychologist at Harvard University, explores how emotions influence decision-making processes. Lerner’s research found that different emotions can lead to different types of decisions. For example, fear often leads to risk-averse choices, while anger can lead to risk-taking behaviours.

This shows that emotions are deeply intertwined with our cognitive processes and cannot be separated from logical reasoning. Emotions provide context and meaning to our experiences, enabling us to navigate complex social and environmental landscapes effectively.

Furthermore, research in the field of emotional intelligence (EQ) has shown that high EQ is associated with better leadership, improved performance, and stronger interpersonal relationships. Daniel Goleman, a psychologist and science journalist, popularized the concept of emotional intelligence in his book “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.” Goleman’s work highlights how self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills—the components of emotional intelligence—are crucial for success. He argues that these emotional competencies often play a more significant role in achieving success than traditional measures of intelligence, such as IQ.

A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology supports Goleman’s claims. The researchers found that individuals with high emotional intelligence were more likely to have successful interpersonal relationships, excel in their careers, and maintain better mental health. These findings underscore the importance of emotions in both personal and professional realms.

Moreover, data from TalentSmart, a consulting firm that specializes in emotional intelligence, reveals that 90% of top performers in the workplace have high EQ. This is a compelling statistic that further emphasizes the value of emotional intelligence in achieving professional success. The ability to understand and manage emotions, both one’s own and those of others, is a critical skill that enhances communication, problem-solving, and leadership.

It’s also important to consider the social aspect of emotions. Human beings are inherently social creatures, and our emotions play a key role in how we interact with others. Research by Susan David, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School, highlights the concept of emotional agility.

David’s work suggests that our ability to navigate our emotions, rather than suppress them, leads to more authentic and effective interactions. This emotional agility allows individuals to align their actions with their values, fostering deeper connections and more meaningful relationships.

Additionally, the field of social neuroscience provides insights into how emotions and social interactions are interconnected. Studies using functional MRI have shown that emotional and social processes are mediated by overlapping neural networks. This indicates that our brains are wired to integrate emotional and social information, further debunking the myth of a strict separation between emotion and logic.

It is critical to acknowledge that the idea that emotions are separate from or opposed to logic is a misconception. Emotions are a fundamental part of human cognition, influencing our decisions, interactions, and motivations. Embracing our emotions and recognizing their value is essential for personal growth, effective leadership, and meaningful connections with others. By understanding and leveraging the power of emotions, we can navigate the complexities of life with greater resilience and authenticity.

What’s in it for workplaces?

Despite a common bias against the expression of emotions in professional settings, numerous studies highlight the significant benefits of high EQ for both individuals and organizations.

A powerful study by the Center for Creative Leadership found that leaders who demonstrate empathy towards their team members are viewed as better performers by their bosses. This aligns with the idea that emotional intelligence, far from being a hindrance, is a critical component of effective leadership.

Research by UCLouvain, published in Human Resource Management Review, found that individuals with high EQ excel in their careers due to their enhanced adaptability and self-efficacy. These traits help them navigate work-related challenges effectively, make better career decisions, and exhibit lower turnover intentions.

In leadership roles, emotional intelligence is particularly crucial. Harvard Business School highlights that leaders with high EQ are better at coaching teams, managing stress, delivering feedback, and collaborating. Such leaders enhance team performance and improve job satisfaction and overall organizational health.

High EQ employees significantly boost productivity through improved communication, problem-solving, and conflict-resolution skills. Their empathy, adaptability, and intrinsic motivation foster a collaborative and positive work environment, leading to better team performance and innovation. They manage their emotions effectively, which is essential for resolving conflicts and maintaining a harmonious workplace. Employees with high emotional intelligence are less likely to react impulsively to stressful situations, focusing instead on constructive solutions.

Surprisingly, the trait that is valued most as one goes up the corporate ladder is frowned upon en route the same.

To all those who are reading this-

Your emotions are a source of power. They connect you to others, drive your passions, and inform your decisions. Whether you are leading a team, nurturing a family, advocating for change, or simply navigating the complexities of daily life, your emotional intelligence is a gift.

Celebrate the full spectrum of what it means to be human. Redefine strength to include empathy, compassion, and emotional intelligence. By doing so, we not only uplift women, who are usually at the receiving end of this, but also create a more inclusive, understanding, and connected world for everyone who is hiding this expression.

Author: Pallavi Pareek is the Founder and MD of Ungender. Having handled more than 6000 sexual harassment and workplace misconduct cases, she is an expert in the field of workplace sexual harassment laws and in building diverse and inclusive workplaces. Pallavi is also the leading advisor, trainer, consultant, and external member for some of India’s biggest organizations in these matters. Her approach is grounded in research, and she draws upon the latest insights and best practices to inform her work.